Making a Bar Mitzvah with Less Stress: The 5 Secrets of Savvy Delegators

by Deborah Grayson Riegel

March 16th is my twins’ b’nai mitzvah. That’s 4 days away. And as you know, regardless of whether the big day is a ceremony followed by a buffet brunch (like ours) or a booming blow-out that rivals the Vanity Fair Oscars party, there are a million things that need to get done in advance of it. So when I delegated to my son Jacob the design of the photo montage, which traditionally shows as many friends and family members as you’ve ever taken a picture of, matched with a sentimental and upbeat soundtrack, I was thrilled that he agreed to take it on. Until….

Until I realized that he thought pictures of his twin sister crying or in diapers should be well represented. Until I realized that his tolerance for low-resolution images was much higher than mine. And until I realized that his choice of music was, shall we say, more explicit than mine. I was about to take back the whole project when I remembered one of my own Secrets of Savvy Delegators: “Clarify expectations up front, plan for check-ins, then get out of the way”. In other words, rather than panicking that he wouldn’t do it the way I would do it (which he wouldn’t), I sat him down for an expectations conversation, where we covered a few ground rules: 1) No pictures that embarrass anyone; 2) if you can see pixilation in the photo, shrink it or skip it; and 3) no music with lyrics that would make a grandparent blush. With that start-up information shared, and a schedule of frequent check-ins planned, I put the montage out of my mind so that I could focus my mind on everything else I couldn’t delegate.

Here are four other secrets of savvy delegators:

1. Delegate to the right person when the stakes are high. While many folks are more focused on the “bar”, we are more focused on the “mitzvah”. So while the party playlist might not be perfect or the decorations may not be sophisticated, getting the service as right as we could in terms of both accuracy and intimacy was critical for us. What this means is that we delegated the design of the service and the preparation of our children to one of our closest, most trusted friends – who also happens to be a rabbi. Anyone can be in charge of the balloons, but not anyone could be in charge of helping our kids’ embrace this day as a milestone, and helping us have the event feel special and sacred.
2. Distinguish between responsibility and accountability when delegating. Even as much as we trust our rabbi and friend to deliver on his responsibilities, we are still accountable for making sure that the kids do their preparation. We are still accountable for making sure that the service is inclusive. And we are certainly accountable for making sure that our children’s interest in and commitment to leading a life of good deeds and loving behavior towards others and a belief in something lasts beyond 13 years old. None of those things can be delegated. 
3. Stop seeking positive reinforcement for being overwhelmed. “Deb, how are you guys DOING with everything going on?” has been the topic of most chats with my friends and family over the last few months. And while I appreciate the recognition that this is a crazy time for us, I am actively avoiding the desire to seem busier than I actually am. Yes, it is very tempting to play the burdened victim here, and hope that people would send me certificates for Massage Envy and some take-out dinners, but that’s not the truth, nor is it the message I want to send. Yes, it is a lot to do. But my husband has taken on a huge number of tasks, and our kids are carrying their weight. So I am very clear in letting people know that it is major AND manageable. And that I am important but not indispensable. 
4. Don’t give away all the fun stuff. Delegation is supposed to make your life and work easier, not harder. It kept my motivation up throughout the boring parts (like planning the seating arrangements – a task I couldn’t delegate but one that aged me by several years) to know that I got to pick the menu because I really, truly care about the food. Nobody was taking that off my plate, so to speak. So there will be bagels and lox and baked ziti and macaroni and cheese and rainbow cookies and…and….yum. How do you know that there’s something you should keep for yourself? When someone says to you, “I can do that for you,” and you think to yourself, “Nope – that’s mine.” Which is probably what I’ll say about anyone who tries to touch my rainbow cookie!

So whether you are planning next quarter’s business activities, your company’s annual staff retreat or a major family milestone, use the Secrets of Savvy Delegators to make your next project feel doable rather than dramatic.

Want to learn more savvy delegation secrets to help you manage your team, your work and your life? Join me for a one hour Virtual Presentation, “Delegate without Drama” this month, and 10 other topics throughout the year! Register here: www.myjewishcoach.com/webinar.html

The Most Important Sentence in Delegation

For more on this topic and 10 other topics, 

visit us at www.myjewishcoach.com/webinar 

7 Lessons from My Plumbler

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by Orit  Ramler Szulik

"What did I learn today?" I ask myself every night before getting lost in a dream.  I try to set myself into a learning mode every single day, open to learn from everyone and everything, and to be aware of what I'm learning.  My latest lesson came from my plumber.

On the first hour of the first day of what already promised to be a  hectic week, water was coming down from under the kitchen sink, flooding the house - well, that might be an exaggeration on my part, but there was definitely a big pond! It is exactly one of the last things you want to see when you wake up in the morning ready for a busy day. Desperate is how I felt.

I tried to cut the water flow, without success, but thankfully my husband did.  We had no other choice than to call a plumber (for me and for many reasons it felt as painful as calling the dentist!) and I went ahead and canceled all my meetings for that day.

Mr. Plumber arrived with a nice smile on his face and approached the area of disaster very calmly, almost ignoring my anxiety. As soon as I sensed his attitude, I realized that things were under control. From there on, everything turned into a lesson:

1.  No matter how big the leak is, the attitude we bring into the issue matters! When we are faced with a crisis, we can become the first part of the solution or the problem. If the plumber had walked into my house with the same anxiety I was having, I wouldn't have trusted his ability to solve the problem and he would have become part of the problem himself. As soon as I saw him and because of his attitude, I started to think with more clarity  
2.   Any leak can be viewed differently: perspective, perspective, perspective! A flood to me was just a small incident for the plumber. The pond looked "terrible" to me - I was already imagining my house flooded and everything destroyed. In reality, the problem was small and easy to fix, just by replacing a tiny inexpensive part.
3. A leak starts small before it turns into a pond, so pay attention to the first sign of "alarm" and take quick action! I must confess that I knew about a leak for a while, but I chose to ignore it and instead convinced myself that it was "nothing".  Had I handled the problem as soon as it started, I wouldn't have needed a plumber on such short notice. I could then have planned for it with enough time on my schedule, avoid canceling commitments, pay a more reasonable fee, and not experience this desperation.
4. Be prepared to cut the water supply in case of a leak - know your stuff! This is true for the water but also metaphorically. Be prepared and courageous enough to stop a problem before it grows bigger.
5. Water leaks require a plumber or handy man - expertise matters! It is ok not to know something, and to call the expert to provide his perspective and skills. Confession number 2: I put some ducting tape when I realized the leak was not stopping, and then hoped for the problem to be solved. What do I know about plumbing? Nothing!
6. A leak can originate in many places, and the problem is not always what we think it is!  I kept looking at what I believed was the root cause of the leak, but because of that I didn't pay attention to something else that could have been obvious too.
7. A plumber can teach a coach life lessons. Identify your teachers and become one! The plumber came in, did his job and left. He didn't think of himself as a teacher and yet he was giving me a life lesson. Next time, I will make sure I appreciate my "teacher", and by doing that try to be a teacher and a learner myself.

The week ended up being less hectic than expected, even after this incident...on Friday, there was a perfectly shaped rainbow in the sky. The rainbow taught me that where there is water there can also be sun and something beautiful can happen.

As it turns out, we can always learn a lesson and make our lives a more interesting journey, even when it all starts with a tiny drop that becomes a pond.

Lessons from a Visit at the Children's Museum

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by Noa Peri-Jensch

I’m writing this blog for all the people who have survived.

Survived what? Survived whatever was difficult for you to handle.

A couple of weeks ago I took my daughters to the new children’s museum in our town. We walked around and enjoyed a beautiful exhibition about George Washington. My daughter pointed out a quote on the wall by GW saying   “I had found bullets through my coat and two horses shot under me, and yet escaped unhurt.” General Washington wrote this in a letter to his brother after the battle in Pennsylvania.

Has it ever occurred to you that no matter what you have faced in your life; the hardships, the difficulties, the setbacks, here you are alive reading my blog and realizing that you have survived – hopefully without permanent damage.

As many of us take our daily vitamins to strengthen our bodies and immune system, we should take an opportunity each day to remember the events and experiences that have strengthened our spirits and have helped us become the people we are today.

As we look back, here are a couple of questions to consider:

1) What were the events in my life that had taught me the greatest lessons?

            As for me, thankfully I’ve never had bullets through my coat, but I sure had my share of heartbreak from broken promises, betrayal, as well as being rejected, failing and disappointing others. And yet, after each fall, I got back up equipped with a new lesson about people, life, and most importantly, about myself.

2)  How come I’m still here? Why me?

            Often times when things don’t go the way we expect, we ask “why me?” or “why does this have to happen to me?” What if we ask these questions when the good things happen? “How did I get to be so lucky to have this career? This family? These relationships in my life?” I must have done something right. What is that “something right”? Let us be reminded by the special qualities we possess, the luck we’ve had and the blessings we have experienced.

3)  What’s the bigger picture?

            It is so easy to get caught up with the little annoyances of life but the only thing that can sometimes get me through is looking at the bigger picture. What is the meaning behind all of this? How come I have escaped, unhurt? There must be a very good reason for me to have survived this...and this is where our purpose in life unveils itself. We each have one. Some have found it and others are still searching. George Washington knew that his purpose was to selflessly serve his country. My purpose is to help others be successful in personal life and career.  What is yours?

           

There Once was a Little Old Lady

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By Jane Stein

There once was a little old lady from Minsk…or was it Pinsk…or Krakow or Lodz or Timisoara…and I took her picture.

But wait a minute…let me back up and tell you the story.  Once upon a time I travelled a lot…and all of my travel was to visit the Jews of Eastern Europe…what so many of you called the “remnants of the Holocaust.”   I was very blessed in that I had the opportunity to travel with either the Joint Distribution Committee (JDC) or with the Jewish Federations of North America (then called UJA or the United Jewish Communities depending on just how far back we are going here).  The other night when I was sitting at a very, very boring speaker I was trying to count just how many of these places I actually visited. (OK, I smiled at the speaker and looked focused and engaged, honest.)  I came up with something like twenty to twenty five visits… seven of those were just one four day trip to Romania with my husband and Zvi Feine of the JDC where we stopped to meet with the “Jewish Community Leadership Board” in each and every shtetlach from Timisoara up to Bucharest. 

And everywhere I went, I took pictures of the beautiful people that I met.  Now some of you are too young to remember the days of something called “film”.  It was this stuff that was in your camera (another foreign concept to many of you) and when you filled up a “roll” of this stuff, you took it to a magical place where the round roll was turned into pictures on paper, and they were almost always in duplicate.  Then you took these pictures home and, if you were as well organized as I was, you tossed them into a drawer.  And if you travelled as much as I did and you took as many pictures as I did and you got duplicate copies as I did and you ended up with lots and lots of drawers of lots and lots of pictures!  Get the picture?

All of this was just fine, unless one day you are asked to write an article about your years of work with the JDC and the Jewish Federations of North America.  And of course since we all know that the facts of our stories from these visits are really best represented by the faces of the people we have met, you need a picture.

And that is where my trouble began.  I opened the first drawer and there were pictures, lots of pictures, all with no names, dates, and worse of all NO PLACES.  I went to the second drawer.  Same thing.  And the third drawer…again…no identifying information.  And everyone looked the same!!  Grey hair ever so neatly combed, lovely small smile, sparkling eyes.   I panicked….how was I going to tell my story without a picture???  And I couldn’t possibly write the first word of my article until I had overcome this miserable feeling of panic.

So, I did what I often do in times of crises?  Yelled at myself, cried, threw things.  And then went for a long walk.   And since the weather was a perfect sunny 60 degrees, within one block I had my epiphany: it absolutely did not matter that I could not tell one face from the other…that I had no idea which lovely woman was from which shtetl, because the point of the story was not that one specific woman, but the fact that she existed at all and that we, the organized world Jewish community, had made her life in this, the 21^st Century not only possible, but filled with joy.

And so I went back to my computer and began to type away, telling the story of the amazing Jewish communities of Romania, Hungary, Poland, what was once Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, the Former Soviet Union.  I wrote about how each town has (no matter how teeny tiny that town might be) a cultural center, education programs, Gans, Chesed Avrahams (the JDC version of Jewish Family Service), young leadership programs.  All of the things that make up a Jewish community, even the politics and the grown ups telling the young folks “you can’t do that -- we tried it and it didn’t work”  Honest, I heard it for myself from the Young Adult Division of the Warsaw Jewish Community!!!. And while I am on that topic, a Young Adult Division of the Warsaw Jewish Community??  Who would have believed that would ever, ever, ever be possible back a mere twenty years ago?

And I scanned a picture into the article.  It was a picture of a woman, grey hair ever so neatly combed, lovely small smile, sparkling eyes, and I typed “The Beginning” and hit send.

How to Execute a “Go-Around” When At First You Don’t Succeed

By Orit Ramler Szulik

The wheels went down. There I was, ready for landing. The approach was smooth, on a clear blue North Carolina day.  It was an exhausting long trip, 13 hours since I left Buenos Aires. I was sad, coming back from saying a last goodbye to my beloved mother in law. As we were coming down I was contemplating the familiar landscape, with the uncertainty of how I would cope with this loss in the family, and the unfamiliar sense of emptiness.

Touchdown was only seconds away. Suddenly the aircraft went from a gentle descent to a rapid and sharp climb. Then we heard a calm and reassuring voice: “Folks, we had to abort our approach and we are making a second attempt. The tower just alerted us that we were coming down too steep. We should be on the ground in about 15 minutes” – the captain said.

Immediately, my head started spinning, always needing to give meaning to everything. I noticed that the pilot had just made me realize that I was coming down “too steep” with my emotions -- I was about to crash with my pain! His calm voice, instead, gave me a new chance to control my emotions and try a new approach.

Of course, I had to share my story with my husband, and he explained that “the maneuver is called go-around, and it represents a routine safety procedure to keep planes out of trouble. It is a precautionary option”, he said. Just as in our personal lives, sometimes we need to make a decision, execute a safe go-around, and choose wisely before we crash!

Not an ideal situation, but a go-around is meant to be a preventive measure. For pilots, executing this maneuver is quite straightforward, but it requires making a quick decision and focus 100% on the task at hand. It is intense. They have practiced hundreds of these. They are trained to do it safely.

In life, like in flying, we don’t always make perfect approaches and landings. But think about it, how often do you even consider the option to go-around, embrace the concept of “let's start over” or “let's start fresh”?

When should we execute a go-around? To me, the answer is anytime we feel uncomfortable with any aspect of what we are saying, thinking, doing or delivering. Yes, it might mean starting over, changing gears, trying something new, telling ourselves a different story. During the go-around you are in control, but the alternative is crashing, and it might take a while to recover if you are lucky.

My flight back home taught me that no matter how close we are, how familiar the landscape is, how big our emotions are or how quickly we want to be done with something, there is always a go-around option that can put us back on track. The earlier we perform a go-around the better, but it is never too late.

Decisions, Decisions!

I was on the phone with a coaching client today (we'll call her Dee) who was struggling with an embarrassment of riches: she has so many opportunities available to her - both personally and professionally - that she feels overwhelmed by the decisions she needs to make. Love her or envy her (no, "hate her" is not an option -- I am VERY protective of my clients!), but chances are you know her - or you've been her. How do we decide what to take on and what to pass on?

I asked Dee to think about a decision she had made recently that felt like a "no-brainer". Her example was taking her daughter on a college interview with the Dean of the school. Despite the fact that she had made the decision without an awareness of a decision-making process, I asked her to think about the factors that made this decision an easy yes. Here's what she came up with:

• Unique opportunity
• Important/Makes an impact
• Fun
• Timely
• Aligns with her values
• Manageable cost(s)
• Potentially large payoff(s)

Look at that! Even without knowing that she had a set of decision-making criteria, she was using it. Then, we took this list and tested it against several other decisions she had made -- and some that were pending. The criteria worked, and we realized that we had one to add to it:

• Gut

That's right. Dee often relied on an inner sense that yelled "yay" or "nay" to her when she had a choice to make. And interestingly, as soon as we named "gut" as a key decision-making factor for her, she reported that her stomach had been hurting her enough as of late that she had called the doctor. And while I am certainly an advocate for modern medicine, I do believe that our bodies give us powerfully useful information about what's going on in our heads.

How about you? Think about a decision you have made recently that felt easy-breezy to you and see if you can back it up into a set of criteria you can use for future decisions that don't feel as cut and dried.

And post your criteria here -- I'd love to see how your head works!

To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

A Taste of My Own Medicine

This past Monday, I had surgery. I knew it was coming - in fact, I put it off for three months so I could be with my kids during vacation, dance at my friend's wedding, and make good on my business travel commitments. Very strategic of me, I must say. When the doctor told me to expect 1-2 weeks of recovery if there were no complications, I thought she meant for other people. I recalculated her time estimate for "Deb-Time" (which means compulsively early and lightening fast) and began scheduling phone meetings for less than 48 hours post-surgery, i.e. TODAY.

How's that working out for me? Well, score 1 for the doctor, 0 for the coach.

Last night, amidst the joy of receiving fruit baskets, Godiva chocolates and a bag of prunes from a great friend who, shall we say, knew too well what was to come, I started cancelling my appointments. My throat was still scratchy from the breathing tube, my stomach muscles hurt too much to talk, and since many of my clients are deliciously funny, I knew that a single bout of agonizing laughter could send me back to the hospital. The immediate problem is that I didn't give myself the time I needed to recover - despite being told by a professional who knew her stuff. The bigger problem is that I missed a fundamental strategic step in coaching that I use with my clients - and ignored with myself: Anticipating Roadblocks.

It's all well and good to know what you want, and to develop a plan for getting there. I wanted to get back to work and figured that by booking my clients, I would have to will myself to recover faster than I might otherwise. But I forgot to ask myself the question that I would have asked any client: "what could get in the way?" For me, it was that I wouldn't feel better in time for my appointments, and the consequence is that I have to do what I wish I didn't have to: cancel my meetings. It would have been better to have given myself the whole week (yes, Dr. Kastner, I know -- or TWO whole weeks) to renew, recharge and recover, and start fresh rather than making up for missed meetings.

So enough about me (but fruit baskets, chocolate and prunes are still welcome!): Think about a plan or process you're getting ready to embark on. What roadblocks could get in your way? And how can you reengineer your plan to get around them, through them, over them, avoid them, or even use them to your advantage?

Keep me posted - I'm not going anywhere for a while!

To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
http://www.myjewishcoach.com/
http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/

One Step Forward, One Step Back

When I told my kids last night that bedtime would be at 7:45 p.m. instead of 8, I received two very different reactions. Sophie, exhausted from a weekend of sleepover dates, barely nodded as she trudged up to her bunk bed. Jacob, similarly wiped out, had enough energy left to do battle. When he started to huff, stomp and get teary, I reminded him that all of these behaviors were a signs of a tired kid. With an audible "harumph!" (which I never believed was a real expression until I heard him say it), he plopped himself on his bed with his arms crossed. Michael and I went downstairs, expecting....something.

We were surprised when Jacob came downstairs twenty minutes later and handed me a note. In the note, he wrote, "I don't want to be treated like a baby. I want to pick out my own clothes. I want a new bedtime. And I want a cell phone." At the bottom of the note, he drew a skull and cross-bones to let us knew that he meant business, and that we were putting our very lives at risk by not taking him seriously.

Here's what worked in Jacob's approach:

• Taking time to cool off
• Putting his thoughts into writing rather than crying, yelling or stomping
• Making "I" statements (e.g. "I want..." rather than "You need to...")

Here's what didn't:

• Laundry-bagging (listing multiple concerns at once, rather than the most timely and relevant one)
• Red herrings (that cell phone is NOT GONNA HAPPEN and he knew that!)
• Threats (his pirate scare tactics won't work on land or at sea)

So the next time you're steaming mad, what will you do to make sure your message is relevant AND respectful?

To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

Dancing in the Moment

Today in Spinnning Class, I was flagging. I hurt in some unmentionable parts, I had run out of water ten sips ago, and I was fantasizing about work. Yes, work. With five minutes left, I was basically "phoning it in" with my legs and my mind. It was at that moment that our Spinning Instructor, Susan, saw that I was in need, got down off her own bike and danced a jitterbug right in front of me. She shamelessly shook her hips until she shook me right out of my complacency - and I began to recommit to the end of the ride.

Just what I needed when I needed it -  a hearty dose of energy, enthusiasm, and encouragement.

While my dancing is worse than my spinning, I realized in that moment that what Sue did for me, I do for my coaching clients. Whether they need a jitterbug to get them excited and moving, a two-step to get them on a strategic plan, or a square dance to help them bring in necessary partners, I dance in the moment with each and every client.


What kind of dance do you need to get moving?

To your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

Get out the Guilt!

There was the guilt for leaving on a business trip to a warm climate while my family freezes back in New York. Then there was the guilt for missing Sophie's swim meet and Jacob's basketball game, and for leaving my husband Michael to spend the weekend driving from end to end of Nassau County between the two. But stepping on and breaking Michael's toe 24 hours before bailing on everyone? Now THAT'S GUILT!!! (Sorry honey!).

As my guilty stew continued to boil, I began to think of all the OTHER things that I feel guilty about. I simply do not have enough time, energy or finger-power to type them all here - BUT one thing that did pop up for me was that I felt guilty for letting my blog lie fallow - for more than a year.

Now THIS I can do something about! So here I am - hineni.

Let's get some coaching around guilt, shall we? (And trust me, I need it, too).

What does feeling guilty get you?
What does feeling guilty cost you?
Whose voice - other than your own - do you hear in the guilt? What strikes you about that?
When the guilty voice pops up, what could you say directly to it?
When will you tell it to pipe down?
What's ONE thing you can get off your guilt list TODAY - by deciding to take care of it, skip it, or something else?

So here's mine: I feel good that I'm blogging today. I may not blog again until 2011. And I'm cool with that.

Let me know about yours!

To Your Success without the Tsuris,
Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

Whose Brain Are You Using?

Last Friday, the kids and I went to a kindergarten graduation party (my kids were the "elderstatesmen" as first graders!). In addition to sno-cones, face-painting and goldfish give-aways (thanks a lot!!!), the kids had the opportunity to guess how many pieces of gum were in the Double Bubble container from Costco. Jacob guessed 200, and Sophie asked me to guess for her, so I said 150.

Well, lo and behold, Jacob won the entire tub, which had 250 pieces! Since we had come to the party on bikes, I had to strap the tub to the back of my bike with bungee cords. On our ride home, Sophie was bemoaning her rare loss of a contest. And while she didn't blame me (exactly), she did proclaim: "I should have used my own brain!"

In coaching, I often ask my clients whose voices they hear when thinking about what they "should" or "shouldn't" do. Many times, it's the voice of a parent, a supervisor, a friend, a spouse, etc. -- rather than their own -- which makes the decision about how to progress a noisy one. We work to clear out the clutter of other people's voices so that the client can hear their own thinking, loud and clear,

So in honor of Sophie, I ask you to think about this when facing your next set of "shoulds": Whose brain are you using?

Deborah Grayson Riegel
www.myjewishcoach.com

My Jewish Coach Goes in Search of the Holy Grail in North Carolina

Last week, my Aunt Laurie moved to temperate North Carolina from frigid, frostbitten Minnesota. Tomorrow, I head down south to help her unpack, set-up and explore her new surroundings. In explaining to my kids, 7 year old twins Jacob and Sophie, where I was headed and why (as a frequent business traveler, I have mastered a 10-second "pitch" explaining the why, where and how long of each sojourn), I tried to engage them in my mission.

"So," I asked, "what kinds of places would you like me to find near Aunt Laurie's house for when YOU get to come visit?" Like the lawyer I am not (but my father-in-law secretly hopes I will become), I asked the question knowing the answer already. I sat back, waiting for the inevitable list: toy store, candy store, ice cream store...

And this is why I am not a lawyer -- because I never saw this coming.

Sophie replied: "Bathrooms."

Bathrooms? Not an amusement park, zoo or go-kart track?

No - BATHROOMS.

Basic needs. What fun would everything else be if you don't have a bathroom?

It reminded me about how important it is to take a step back and distinguish between needs and wants. So ask yourself:

What are three things you really need -- in your career, in your relationships, for your health?
What are three things you really want -- in your career, in your relationships, for your health?

Not sure? Use my FREE TOOL to find out.

Oh, and be warned: it doesn't ask about bathrooms.

Deb

www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com
www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com

Make Your Resolutions "Green Light" Goals

Whether you want to lose weight (again), end a relationship (find a keeper this time!) or get out of debt (more gelt with less guilt?) -- your first step is identifying a goal that makes you want to GO towards something.

What? Isn't that obvious?

Not really. Think about the differences in these goals:

Lose 15 lbs. vs. Feel confident and attractive on the beach next summer
Get out of debt vs. Gain enough financial freedom to buy an apartment or house
Stop working in a dead-end job vs. Find a job that fulfills my professional passions

See the difference? Green Light Goals give you a clearer picture of where you want to go by creating a compelling, appealing positive vision of a future state.

It works -- and I'm not alone in prescribing this. In his book, "Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life", Alan Deutschman shares decades of scientific evidence that shows that positively reframing life's challenges can put us in the driver's seat on a faster track towards goal achievement.


So here's some coaching homework:

• Write down 3 goals you have for the New Year
• Re-write them so that they make you say "Yes! I want to do that!" That's how you know you have a Green Light Goal
• Brainstorm the Red Light actions -- or inactions -- you associate with the Green Light goals (such as "Stop drinking at happy hour" as part of "Feel more attractive at the beach")
• Replace those Red Lights actions with new Green Lights (like "Have a wine spritzer or seltzer" instead of "Stop drinking")
  
• Post those Green Light goals and actions someplace where you can see them every day. As Confucius said, "The palest ink is better than the sharpest memory."

If you need support, try this with a friend, family member, therapist or coach.

And post it here!