Making a Bar Mitzvah with Less Stress: The 5 Secrets of Savvy Delegators

by Deborah Grayson Riegel

March 16th is my twins’ b’nai mitzvah. That’s 4 days away. And as you know, regardless of whether the big day is a ceremony followed by a buffet brunch (like ours) or a booming blow-out that rivals the Vanity Fair Oscars party, there are a million things that need to get done in advance of it. So when I delegated to my son Jacob the design of the photo montage, which traditionally shows as many friends and family members as you’ve ever taken a picture of, matched with a sentimental and upbeat soundtrack, I was thrilled that he agreed to take it on. Until….

Until I realized that he thought pictures of his twin sister crying or in diapers should be well represented. Until I realized that his tolerance for low-resolution images was much higher than mine. And until I realized that his choice of music was, shall we say, more explicit than mine. I was about to take back the whole project when I remembered one of my own Secrets of Savvy Delegators: “Clarify expectations up front, plan for check-ins, then get out of the way”. In other words, rather than panicking that he wouldn’t do it the way I would do it (which he wouldn’t), I sat him down for an expectations conversation, where we covered a few ground rules: 1) No pictures that embarrass anyone; 2) if you can see pixilation in the photo, shrink it or skip it; and 3) no music with lyrics that would make a grandparent blush. With that start-up information shared, and a schedule of frequent check-ins planned, I put the montage out of my mind so that I could focus my mind on everything else I couldn’t delegate.

Here are four other secrets of savvy delegators:

1. Delegate to the right person when the stakes are high. While many folks are more focused on the “bar”, we are more focused on the “mitzvah”. So while the party playlist might not be perfect or the decorations may not be sophisticated, getting the service as right as we could in terms of both accuracy and intimacy was critical for us. What this means is that we delegated the design of the service and the preparation of our children to one of our closest, most trusted friends – who also happens to be a rabbi. Anyone can be in charge of the balloons, but not anyone could be in charge of helping our kids’ embrace this day as a milestone, and helping us have the event feel special and sacred.
2. Distinguish between responsibility and accountability when delegating. Even as much as we trust our rabbi and friend to deliver on his responsibilities, we are still accountable for making sure that the kids do their preparation. We are still accountable for making sure that the service is inclusive. And we are certainly accountable for making sure that our children’s interest in and commitment to leading a life of good deeds and loving behavior towards others and a belief in something lasts beyond 13 years old. None of those things can be delegated. 
3. Stop seeking positive reinforcement for being overwhelmed. “Deb, how are you guys DOING with everything going on?” has been the topic of most chats with my friends and family over the last few months. And while I appreciate the recognition that this is a crazy time for us, I am actively avoiding the desire to seem busier than I actually am. Yes, it is very tempting to play the burdened victim here, and hope that people would send me certificates for Massage Envy and some take-out dinners, but that’s not the truth, nor is it the message I want to send. Yes, it is a lot to do. But my husband has taken on a huge number of tasks, and our kids are carrying their weight. So I am very clear in letting people know that it is major AND manageable. And that I am important but not indispensable. 
4. Don’t give away all the fun stuff. Delegation is supposed to make your life and work easier, not harder. It kept my motivation up throughout the boring parts (like planning the seating arrangements – a task I couldn’t delegate but one that aged me by several years) to know that I got to pick the menu because I really, truly care about the food. Nobody was taking that off my plate, so to speak. So there will be bagels and lox and baked ziti and macaroni and cheese and rainbow cookies and…and….yum. How do you know that there’s something you should keep for yourself? When someone says to you, “I can do that for you,” and you think to yourself, “Nope – that’s mine.” Which is probably what I’ll say about anyone who tries to touch my rainbow cookie!

So whether you are planning next quarter’s business activities, your company’s annual staff retreat or a major family milestone, use the Secrets of Savvy Delegators to make your next project feel doable rather than dramatic.

Want to learn more savvy delegation secrets to help you manage your team, your work and your life? Join me for a one hour Virtual Presentation, “Delegate without Drama” this month, and 10 other topics throughout the year! Register here: www.myjewishcoach.com/webinar.html

The Most Important Sentence in Delegation

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Great Question #1 from a Strategic Planning Session

Ah...back on the road again after being home for the entire month of October (thanks, Jewish holidays!)

As I was facilitating a strategic planning session for a Jewish group, one member posed a terrific question about how the group would vet its activities: "How do we make sure our efforts are sustainable?"

I often use this question with coaching clients as well - clients who are looking to make a significant change in behavior or activities (such as lose weight, network more, etc.) If you can get past the hurdle of starting something, your next hurdle is likely to be the sustainability of the process. How long can you do what you're doing? What do you need to consider or adjust in order to keep it going?

Is eating only salads sustainable? How about skipping all desserts? How long will this last?

But of course, this isn't the only great question...

Tune in for the second part!

Deborah Grayson Riegel
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

Leadership is about what you DO!

"Leadership is action, not position." -- Donald H. McGannon, Former CEO, Westinghouse Broadcast Corporation

Whether you are the board president, the rabbi, rosh yeshiva, CEO -- or hold any title that makes people site up and take notice, remember what people really want and need from you -- your commitment to roll up your sleeves and participate in a meaningful way.

I believe that most of us have two fundamental needs, regardless of our role in the organization -- the need to benefit and the need to contribute. In fact, when I teach sessions on running effective meetings, those are the two criteria for determining who should attend a meeting. If a meeting participant will neither benefit from nor contribute to a meeting, then give them back their time to do something more useful than sit in on a meeting! Trust me -- he or she will thank you for it, and your meeting participants will appreciate a leaner, more focused meeting process.

Those in Jewish organizational leadership positions often benefit from title, position, status, connections, and paycheck for those in paid positions (and yes, I see you -- the one eye-rolling about the idea of benefiting from a Jewish organizational paycheck. But I won't let you distract me!).

Here's the question: does your level of contribution -- decisions made, problems solved, resources developed -- meet or exceed the benefits you receive from your position? How would your lay or professional counterparts and direct reports answer that if asked about you?

If you're not sure, are you willing to ask? If you're willing to ask, who will you start with? If you're not willing, why?

In the words of writer Elbert Hubbard, "Don't make excuses. Make good."

Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com

RA RA for Team Ruach!

When it comes to getting your staff, volunteers, donors, members, etc. excited and engaged about their work for and connection to your organization, you're going to need to create a little ruach: "RA! RA!"

Now before you pull out your high-school pom-poms, try this less embarrassing and more effective approach to rallying the troops:

R - Recognition: Tell your staff members and volunteers specifically what they have done to make your life easier and/or how they have contributed to the organization's mission. Make sure that you meet each person's preferences for how they like to be recognized (publicly vs. privately, in-person vs. over the phone, in writing, with a small token, etc.)

A - Appreciation: The options are endless and you can find one that fits your budget and timing: take someone to lunch, give a Starbucks gift card, stop and ask them about a hobby or personal interest, offer some schedule flexibility, allot some professional development budget for them, or just take the time to tell them. Oh, and remember handwritten thank you notes? They never go out of style!

R - Respect: Trade in the Golden Rule (treat others as you would want to be treated) for the Platinum Rule (treat others as THEY would would want to be treated). So, while you are finding out how each of your staff and volunteers defines respect, here's one universally appreciated gift: Listening. Really listening. That means listening on two levels -- for both content (what is being said, and what isn't being said) and emotion (how the message is being communicated). To do this effectively, you'll need to put away the Blackberry, turn off the lap top, and get rid of any other distractions. Attentive listening is hard -- and desperately needed. But it's free of charge and looks good on everyone. Try it.

A - Accountability: When the U.S. Army was looking for a workshop on Accountability, they found my online self-assessment, downloaded it, and called us up for training. I invite you to take this assessment and see where your staff and volunteers may be looking to you for greater leadership: www.myjewishcoach.com/pdf/accountability-self-assess.pdf.

When it comes to retaining your organizations most important resources -- your human resources -- make sure you take the time and make the effort to give them what they need to keep contributing.

RA! RA!

Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com

Eat, Eat! A Lesson on Networking

"More business decisions occur over lunch and dinner than at any other time, yet no MBA courses are given on the subject." Peter Drucker

Lunch? Dinner? Who has the time?

Well, the Jewish mother in me says, "You gotta eat!" The organizational coach in me says, "If you're gonna eat, you might as well eat strategically!" No, strategic eating doesn't mean making sure that your meal has vegetables, protein and carbs (but don't tell that to my nutritionist). It means using your "down time" for a higher purpose.

I know this is not new. There are books about it, like "Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time" by by Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz.

But in the same that NBC TV calls their re-runs "New To You" if you haven't already seen them, if you're not already actively networking, then this is, in fact, New To You.

Here are some questions to get you started:

1. If your network were "perfect" what three things would be different for you?
2. Where do you want to go in 6 months? a year? 3 years?
3. Who specifically can help you get there? How?
4. What's keeping you from taking a more active role in your own development?

...and one more:

5. Who in your existing network is draining you rather than giving you energy, and what might you do about this?

Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com